As a mom of a toddler, I understand how difficult it is to manage the toddler tantrums or a rebellious toddler. When it is tough to manage a two-year-old, imagine what would be life when the kid reaches his or her teens.
“I ask my son to do some work for me and often I get a simple no or rolling back eyes! What am I supposed to do?” “The only thing I wish from my daughter is to study well on time. But every day I have to yell at her when its time to study.” “How do I ensure that my kid stays on the right path”.
As a teacher, I have often been asked as to how to deal with elder kids , especially when they are not ready to listen and have turned too adamant. But then that is what is parenting all about, isn’t it? You cannot give up in bringing about a change. And to bring that change, it is important to change your techniques of parenting.
Parent the child you have and not the child you wish you have had!!
So here are a few tips that can help you as a parent to remain sane, as your child reaches his teens :
Understand the reason:
As a child reaches adolescence, being rebellious is normal. It is a developmental norm. They seek independence. They want to go out of home alone, take responsibilities and want to make their own decisions. Is it wrong? No!! Of course, even the best-behaved child can go wrong. Important is to understand the reason for their behaviour. Let them not stay away from failure. It plays a critical role in the learning.
To cite an example A mom came to me and said, “Maam my child never studies. I have told her so many times that I am ready to teach you, make you learn but she doesn’t. She will fail in the exam and how will we face our relatives. Her uncle’s son is a topper”. So here the reason for the child being rebellious was the comparison that was making her frustrated. So what if the child fails? It will at least make him or her understand what failure is and how to deal with it. Leave them for once and stop thinking about how one will face the relatives. And of course, no comparison.
Stay calm and treat them as individual
Last week, I got to know that a mom burned one of my son’s hand because she came to know that the child has misbehaved in the class. Do you think it is a way to handle a teen? When you use such strict punishments, with a strict authoritative parenting style, it often embitters teens and makes them act worse. It is important to treat them as grown-up individuals or else it will negate positive interactions with your child. To earn respect from them, you have to respect them as well as an individual.
Create a bottom line with consequences
Treating them as an individual doesn’t mean that you let them do what they wish to, but means that you need to be a friend to them without losing the authority of being a parent. Sit along with your child and decide on the rules to be followed, together. Also, decide upon the consequences if the rules are given a miss. As you create the rules, have a balanced approach, neither too strict, nor too lenient. Same goes for the consequences.
Once you have decided on the rules and consequences of breaking them, be consistent in following them all the time. If you don’t, you might lose all the credibility and will be taken for granted by your kids. When a child breaks the rules, you need not argue or negotiate, be consistent remind them of the rules and consequences.
Not just interrogation
When You are upset with your child, yelling or hitting can be immediate reactions. You need to uphold your reaction and follow open communication and not just interrogation. Spare time to listen to their success as well as failure stories. Give them an opportunity to open up, instead of burdening them with questions.
A change for good should be appreciated to keep the child motivated to follow the correct path. Don’t miss to say a word of thanks when your child obeys to help you. Remember, this is what you have taught your child when he or she was a toddler, isn’t it?
The initial years of adolescence are filled with rapid change which is not just physical changes but also mood swings and need for independence, but it does not have to be a period of war. He or she is still your child, and he or she needs you for support as well as guidance all through this stage as well.
I am taking part in The Write Tribe Problogger October 2017 Blogging Challenge for prompt 5 ‘Disobedience’