Criesnlaughter

The guilt

Rakshita entered her house, kept her car keys on the table, switched on the lights to see that it was 10pm already and that her 4-year-old was sleeping, cuddling up her dolls. She so badly wanted to spend this evening with her but an important meeting…..The guilt of not giving her daughter the time that she always wanted to give broke her down into tears again.

Her migraine increased and she could no longer bear her hair being tied up. She freed her hair by removing the clutcher clip, but could not get rid of that monster called guilt.

She thought her pen might give her a peace of mind, after all, she was an avid writer for the editorial section of a national daily. She grabbed a cup of coffee and her diary, which was a soulmate to her after she had a divorce, an year ago. All her secrets , joys and sorrows were buried in there.

As she sipped her coffee, leaving a lipstick stain on the cup, she realised the page that she wrote was also a stain to her writings. She never thought that she was ever going to write this…. a suicidal note.

Depression had crippled her, convincing her that she has nothing to live for. She felt crushing guilt from not being able to do enough for her daughter, making her guilty of not being a good mom, bringing her to the edge of a breakdown.

But then something stopped her from writing more..something that hovered like a shadow in the back of her subconscious, just present enough to keep her alive. She was willing to die to benefit her child, without realising she was not just a mom but a ‘super mom’ for her daughter.

She knew, deep in her soul, that even if someone else might be able to take care of her girl, no one would ever love her the way she did. So, as imperfect as she was, she was willing to undergo that pain and guilt to make sure that her daughter knew that she is being loved forever…

Rakshita tore that page, crumbled it and wrote again…

‘This super mommy even though is imperfect, has a perfect blessing from God ..a loving daughter ..Love..’

The Guilt

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.’

 

If you or anyone around you is going through suicidal tendencies and need help, contact samaritansmumbai.com .by calling on +91 84229 84528 / +91 84229 84529 / +91 84229 84530.

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anubhuti

My new identity is I am a mother of a two year old. I am a teacher and a learner too but as of now a SAHM or rather WFHM as I always like to be financially independent...

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